


Slightly Less Murderous Than the Average Domestic Cat

by malifi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Mentions of Violence, Nobody Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 09:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16531598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malifi/pseuds/malifi
Summary: Disclaimer: I am Jon Snow, I know nothing - comic books, origin stories, nada. Haven’t seen the movie yet (omg I know, I’ll get there), all my knowledge about this disaster partnership is from the internet, but I saw a drawing of V meeting Spidey on tumblr and this wouldn’t leave my brain so here we are.(Pretend that Eddie switched coasts after all the Bad Shit(TM) that went down, instead of this idiot needing a simple reason for a meet-cute in an NYC alley.)





	Slightly Less Murderous Than the Average Domestic Cat

Venom reaches their claws out in a deadly arc to neatly remove heads from unconscious bodies when they’re stopped, suddenly. A slender, almost invisible cord of sticky substance is wrapped around their wrist and has halted their movement in its tracks. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there big guy!” A spandex covered figure leaps down from an unseen perch above, connected at the wrist as well. 

WHO? Spider-Man, Eddie thinks with a sigh. WHO IS HE? WHAT IS THIS? Venom examines their wrist and is surprised at the strength of the hold. 

“Sorry Mr. Venom, uh, sir?” The mask moves slightly with his facial expressions as Spidey launches into an entirely unnecessary introduction. From the sound of it he can’t be more than fifteen and oh dear Christ they are dealing with a literal child. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” It comes from Venom’s face, but the words are all Eddie.

“I know these are probably real bad dudes-“. 

EDDIE, THE SPIDER MAN IS A CHILD? And an avenger, Eddie supplies, a little upset on the kid’s behalf. Picking fights with aliens is gonna get him killed. 

“-really the best solution is to let me take them down to the station-“

HE IS INTERRUPTING OUR MEAL. Your meal. OUR MEAL. WE ARE HUNGRY. We were on our way for pizza, stopping for a side order of muggers was all you, pal. 

“-and that way no one gets hurt or dead or in trouble. Win-win, right?” He’s still talking with the wide-eyed optimism, seemingly unconcerned with the rows of razor sharp fangs in his face. Venom tugs the wrist that Spidey has tied with confusion. IS HE STRONGER THAN US? Maybe, I’ve never met him before. WE COULD JUST EAT HIM. 

“No!” Eddie says out loud, too alarmed at the notion to use his inside voice. Spidey tenses almost imperceptibly and holds his other hand out palm up in a calming motion. WHY NOT? IS HIS BRAIN NOT YET FULLY FORMED? No! That’s...I mean, maybe not, depending on how old he is, but that’s not why we don’t eat children!

“Hey, I know we’re all out here just doing our thing but we can’t murder people.” He’s a kid, sure, but there’s understanding and steel in his voice and he’s moved to position himself in front of the guys that just tried to fucking stab them and Eddie is too exhausted to have this argument right now. 

“WE ONLY HARM THOSE THAT DESERVE IT. WE ONLY EAT BAD PEOPLE.” Venom is tired of this rule, but Eddie made it perfectly clear that under no circumstances were they ever going to hurt innocent people. They would die first. Venom isn’t sure that they can die, but doesn’t want Eddie to get hurt trying to find out. 

“That’s cool my man, but it’s definitely still murder.” He’s not gonna let this go, V. Venom frowns, looking at the criminals lying a pile at their feet. “Do you, uh...have to kill people to survive?” Ah jeez, the kid sounds actually worried about them. 

“No. There are...alternate methods, no one gets hurt.” EDDIE! It’s true, V. It’s all in the chemistry, you know that. Venom grumbles at him like an affronted house cat. Eddie tries to smother a grin. In truth, he’s never been excited at the thought of eating people, even if they are shitheads. Chocolate would be a marked improvement. 

“Then we’re ok!” The kid is practically beaming. “I can take these guys off your hands, really good job subduing them by the way, and we can go back to patrolling our own neighborhoods without all the murder!” HE IS ENTIRELY TOO CHEERFUL FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESNT KILL PEOPLE. 

“We will make every attempt to preserve life.” Venom grumbles again but doesn’t argue. And if some truly sick fucks disappear off the face of the earth instead of tap dancing through the criminal justice system, what the kid don’t know won’t hurt him. AGREED. 

“That’s all we ask.” Eddie realizes suddenly that this isn’t a social call, that even though he’s probably still in high school this kid is very much a card carrying member and messenger of the actual superhero Avengers. As an organization, not the best track record with aliens. Finding them in this alley isn’t an accident, they’ve obviously been followed from their apartment. So far the message is at least coming in peace, but it’s clearly not going to stay that way if dead bodies start piling up. Venom is instantly on high alert, senses straining the surrounding area for signs or sounds of backup, but there’s nothing. Kid came alone, either to placate or HE DOESNT NEED HELP. They’re impressed and annoyed in equal measure. 

“Anyway, see you around!” With a few flicks of his wrist, Spidey’s releasing the grip on them and encasing the unconscious men in some kind of weird web sack. In a breath he’s leapt back up to the fire escape and lifts the nearly 400 pound bundle after him with ease. Venom ripples over their wrist for a few moments, cataloging the strength it took to hold them. 

WE COULD HAVE EATEN HIM. Nah, he’d just be all stringy. They’re both startled at the awfulness of that pun, Eddie cracking up as Venom reabsorbs back into human form. FOOD, EDDIE. THE SPIDER CHILD TOOK OUR SNACK. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s pizza time.” CHOCOLATE COFFEE? Eddie hates Starbucks but it’s on the way. “Sure bud. All we can drink.” Venom settles, warm and smug in his chest. He’s gonna go broke buying overpriced lattes so his murder-happy hitchhiker doesn’t get run out of town by the good guys. 

Fucking superheroes.


End file.
